16.
We stopped at In N Out for lunch. I bumped into a Prius while I was trying to squeeze the truck into a parking spot, but no one cared.
“Anything you want,” said Mustafa. “It’s on me.”
“Really?”
“Bro, you saved my life. I’m buying you a fucking burger.”
I smiled. “Alright.”
We went in and ordered. I didn’t get anything off the secret menu. The place was packed and our order was thirty numbers away, so we went out back and found a table in the shade. Mustafa lit a joint and handed it to me.
“Um, are we allowed—”
He didn’t budge. I took it and smoked. There weren’t that many people out there in the heat with us anyways.
“I think… someone else is going to have to drive the rest of the way,” I said, melting in my seat. They all laughed and Pete took the joint.
I fell asleep as soon as we got back in the car. When I woke up, everyone was gone. They were all on the front lawn of an apartment building. Mustafa was hugging his brother. I stumbled out and joined them.
“There he is,” said Carlos.
The hug finished and Mustafa wiped his nose. “Man, Winston, you were out cold.” He laughed, tears in his eyes. “This nigga saved our asses today.”
“So I’ve heard,” said Mustafa’s brother. He walked over and shook my hand. “Thanks, man. If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
“Um, okay. Thanks.”
He gave me a serious look and I became afraid of how far-reaching his offer might have been.
“He’s serious,” said Carlos, driving the point home.
“Yeah, um, I know.”
His piercing gaze continued.
“Um, what’s your name, by the way?”
“Ezekiel. Mustafa ain’t told you?”
“Um, we only just met last night.”
“What?”
“We ain’t even got to that yet,” said Mustafa. “These fools picked him up off the side of the road last night.”
“Man. That’s fate.”
“For real,” said Carlos.
“Why don’t y’all come in and have a drink?”
“Sure,” said Pete.
“Just one,” said Mustafa.
“Yeah right,” said Carlos.
“I’m serious, bro, I gotta start mending my ways.”
“Mending your ways? You sound like my grandma.”
“I’m serious, man, I gotta chill the fuck out!”
Five hours and many drinks later, Carlos, Pete, and Mustafa stepped out onto the balcony for a joint and Ezekiel pulled me aside.
“You seem like a good kid.”
“Um, thanks.”
“I just don’t get it, man.”
“Don’t get what?”
“You could be writing code or working in a bank or something. Why are you caught up in all this bullshit?”
“Well, um, I didn’t want to do that—”
“Why?” He gave me another hard stare that felt like it was on behalf of my parents.
“Um, it wasn’t fulfilling.”
“Wasn’t fulfilling? Man, niggas dying out here every day, man! Wasn’t fulfilling—and this is? Getting lost in the desert? Getting caught up with these fools running from the cartel?”
“Um, well at least Mustafa and I made a good song—”
“That you lost, man!”
“The file got corrupted.”
“Whatever, man. Tell me this—how much money you got?”
“Um…” Sweating, I glanced over at the door.
Ezekiel stared at me, then burst out laughing. “Man, you really thought I was about to shake you down, huh?”
“Um, no, um—”
“Hey man,” he said, holding up his hands. “It’s all good. That is hilarious though. But seriously. You ain’t got shit, right?”
“Um, not really.”
“Right. So here’s my two cents. Whatever you thought you were doing out here, that shit ain’t worth it. Time to figure out a new plan.”
“Um, okay. I’ll think about it.”
“You do that. Anyways.” He went out to the balcony and I sat there alone, doubting everything.
Eventually we said our goodbyes and Carlos, Pete, and I walked out to the car.
“Alright, what’s the plan?” asked Carlos. “Your place?”
“My place?”
“Yeah, can we crash with you? I’m way too fucked up to drive back.”
“Um, well it’s not really my place…”
“You got a key, right?”
“Yeah, but Kevin—”
“Didn’t you say he was in Vegas?” asked Pete.
“Um, yeah.”
“No family, right?”
“Um, he does but Nancy left with their son after they had a fight.”
“So we should be good! If that’s cool.”
“Um, well, I guess it should be fine as long as nobody’s home.”
“Sweet.” Carlos tossed me the keys. “Let’s go.”
I’d only had a few drinks, but I was terrified the whole drive over. Any car with a roof rack was a potential cop. It was a short drive, though, and in the end I got us back in one piece. I parked right next to my car and we walked over to the condo, dark against the night sky, the hollow facade of an empty life. No, worse than empty. Even though Kevin wasn’t home, I couldn’t take one step towards the door.
“This the place?” asked Carlos.
“Um, yeah.”
“For sure.” Carlos looked it up and down, impressed. “Well, can we go in?”
“Um, sure. Let me go first.” Shaking, I walked up to the door and put my ear to it. Nothing. I turned around, worried some neighbor might mistake me for a burglar, but it was still just Carlos and Pete. I quietly unlocked the door and slowly pushed it open. The hall was dark, but I froze when I saw a light on in the kitchen.
“Um, hello?”
No response. I took my shoes off and tiptoed over to Kevin and Nancy’s bedroom and cracked the door. No light. I carefully pushed it all the way. No one. My fears abating, I inspected the rest of the condo. It was just as we’d left it, as far as I could tell. I went back out and waved them in.
“Nice place, man,” said Carlos, putting my stuff on the ground.
“Thanks for letting us crash,” said Pete, flopping down on the couch.
“Um, no problem.” I moved my stuff up to my room and came back down.”
“Fuck, man, what a day,” said Carlos, slumping into the armchair. “Let’s watch some shit.”
“Please,” said Pete.
“Where’s the remote?”
“It should be on the coffee table. I’ve never used the TV though.”
“That’s crazy, bro.”
“I was busy with music.”
“Still.” Carlos turned it on and started flipping through the apps. While they searched for something to watch, I went into the front hall and took out Kevin’s gun. A chill ran down my spine. I quietly went upstairs and hid it under my bed, then packed the rest of my things just in case. When I went back down, Carlos and Pete had decided.
“You down for this?” asked Carlos.
It was some Korean crime movie.
“Sure.”
“Cool.”
Pete made room for me on the couch and Carlos pulled out a weed pen.
“Um, you shouldn’t smoke in here.”
“It’s fine, it’s just a pen.”
“But—”
“Just crack a window if you’re worried, man, it’s not that bad.”
“It’s not my house, though.”
“They won’t smell it, I promise.” He got up and opened a window and smoked. I didn’t smell anything.
“Okay, I guess it’s fine.”
“Thanks, bro.” He sat back down and passed it to Pete. “Man, you’re really wound tight about this Kevin guy.”
“He threw him out of a car, man. He’s probably a total psycho.”
“Yeah, shit…” Carlos looked over his shoulder.
“Don’t worry, I hid his gun already.”
“Yo! What the fuck?”
Pete laughed.
“Fuck, man, maybe we should like get a hotel—”
“No, fuck that, we’re good. Just start the movie.”
“Imma need another hit first. Damn.”
Pete passed it to him and started the movie.
.
The week slipped by. I tried to write new music, but it was all terrible. Each day I gave up a little earlier and spent the afternoons with Carlos and Pete hanging out at the beach or watching them do tricks at the skatepark. They made friends easily and we even got invited to a party, but I smoked so much weed that it was all a haze, I don’t even remember how I got home that night. It took longer and longer to get out of bed. I’d lie there paralyzed, the sun mocking me through the edges of my blinds, reminding me of all the ways I was failing myself.
Then one morning Nancy came home.
We were drinking coffee in the kitchen when the door opened. Carlos and Pete flinched, but I was too numb to care. I thought she’d be mad, but she greeted us with a gentle smile.
“I see you’ve made some friends.”
“Um, yeah. Sorry—”
“It’s okay.”
I took a sip. “This is Nancy.”
“Carlos.”
“Pete.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Um, you too,” said Carlos.
“We’ll get out of your hair in a minute,” said Pete.
“Take your time.” She brought her bags into her room.
We sat in silence, rushing through our coffee.
“I have some errands to run. I’ll be back with Maxwell around four.”
“Okay.”
“We’ll hit the road before then,” said Carlos.
“Thank you. Nice to meet you,” she said.
“You too,” said Pete.
She left and we finished our coffee.
“She wasn’t so bad,” said Carlos.
“No, she’s nice,” I said.
.
After they showered, I walked them out to their car. We said goodbye like we’d been friends for years, they told me again and again that I always had a place to stay out there in the desert. When they drove off, I stood there waving until they were out of sight.
Back inside, I had no desire to pick up my guitar. I laid in bed all day scrolling my phone until I heard Nancy come home. Bashful, I drank some water from the sink, then limped downstairs. Nancy was unbagging groceries in the kitchen, Maxwell sitting at the table drinking from a sippy cup.
“So he left you here.”
“Um, Kevin?”
She put the eggs in the fridge door compartment and closed the lid, then put the milk on the top shelf.
“Um, well, not exactly.”
“Did you want to go with him?”
“Um.” I tried to think of a way to explain everything that had happened since she’d left, but I didn’t know where to start. “I guess not.”
“Mm.” She shut the fridge and put her reusable bags in a drawer. “That’s good.”
I nodded, but didn’t really understand what she was getting at.
“Would you like dinner?”
“Um, sure. Thanks.”
“Of course.” She ripped off a paper towel and daubed the juice from Maxwell’s chin. “This will be our last together. I hope you understand.”
“Oh, um, yeah. I’ll head out tomorrow.”
“Do you have someone you can stay with?”
“Yeah, um, don’t worry. I’ll figure it out.”
“Okay.” She smiled, though I knew she didn’t believe me.
“Thanks for hosting me all this time.”
“It’s been my pleasure,” she said. But her words, spoken with genuine intention, rang as hollow as my guitar.