Sorry About Ur Rug

Dude, I am so sorry. No really, it’s cool, I’ll clean it up. I am so embarrassed. Nah, I won’t waste any of your paper towels, I’ll head over to GetGo. 

So GetGo’s out of soap, you got any? Thanks man, I’ll make it up to you. 

Well, I did my best here, but it’s just not coming out. I am so sorry about this. At least let me clean out this trash can. No, it’s no trouble, it was full of my paper towels anyways.

Morning! I couldn’t sleep knowing I hadn’t cleaned up my mess, so I went as soon as the store opened and bought you another rug. Nope, your money’s no good with me, my dude. My main man Ronnie owns the place, he got me a discount. But hey, maybe let’s grab a beer sometime. On me, of course. How about it?

Yo, how’s the new rug holding up? Mind if I take a look? Oh man, you really made it work. Only a couple days in and it’s already––wow. Well anyways dude, real sorry about this but I just backed over your mailbox. Yeah, I’ve had a couple beers, but I’ve driven on more. Guess I got a little cocky, but don’t worry man, I’m gonna set you up in this dope beach house to chill in while I fix it. It’s really no trouble, hombre. My cousin Lonnie owns the place, lets me book it on the cheap. Come on man, loosen up! You don’t want to be hanging around here with all my hammering and drilling! It’s been a busy year for us both dude, so take a load off! Trust me, I’ve got this. Come Monday, we’ll be sipping ice-cold tallboys and checking out all kinds of mail!

Surprise! What do you think? I know I was just supposed to fix the mailbox, but that only took an hour. Guess I got a little carried away! And don’t stress about the money bro, my boy Donnie owns a construction company. He hooked us up! Come on, let me give you the tour. 

First thing you’ll notice is you’ve got all new rugs. Yeah, I dropped a burrito this time and I just could NOT get it out so I took the rug over to Ronnie’s place, you remember my boy Ronnie. So like I got there and he started cleaning it and we had a couple Four Lokos and next thing you know we’re closing the store and getting real creative. You know me, when I do something I always do it five hundred percent. Anyways, I bought all these rugs and realized you didn’t have enough floor space, so that’s when we hit up Donnie and started making moves. See like over there we knocked out your wall for the attaché. Every house could use an ataché! It’s for when you’ve got like, guests in the living room, but it’s too crowded or like, you want a section with its own vibe, you know? Donnie can explain it way better but don’t worry, I booked you a hotel room! Nah man, you don’t want to stay here with all the construction going on. Besides, it’s supposed to snow tonight. Here’s your room key, I’ve got an extra just in case. Sorry about the delay and all that, but hit me up if you want to chill at the hotel bar or something.

Whoa! Look, I know it’s been a couple months, but Donnie’s an entrepreneur. He’s got a lot on his plate right now. A thousand pardons bro, but we’re gonna get it done by next Friday, I swear! Listen man, let’s get you back to the hotel and we’ll have a couple beers, on me. Sound good?

Bam, number five baby! Six? No, it’s only––no you’re right bro, it’s six. The fuck are you on anyways, two? Keep up man! Dude, the bartender’s so hot. Nah, I gotta disagree amigo, she’s got the goods––go up and talk to her. Come on, just walk up and ask for her number, it’ll be hilarious! Oh my God dude, you’re being such a bitch. Fuck it, guess it’s on me.

You’ve got to tell them to let me back in, dude! I know it’s bad, but I’ll clean it up! I can get them a new rug, tell them I’ve got a rug guy. You remember Ronnie, right? Come on man, do me this one favor and I will pay you back big time.

Hey man, good to see you but I really can’t talk right now. I’m majorly sorry about the remodeling situation, but I just can’t focus on that right now. Running a hotel is a lot harder than I thought it’d be, plus me and Heidi are going on vacation to the Cayman Islands. Strictly business. You wouldn’t understand. Anyways, this place is looking pretty sweet these days, don’t you think?

Bro.

Seriously?

Come on, not the rug!